six-thirty news

Item 1. Twenty-one year old marketing officer fears she may be coming down with a case of the swine flu. Tegan Nuss has had recent contact with multiple carriers of the virus and has started to experience what may be the symptoms of the said illness, including sore throat, aching muscles (particularly in her legs! her legs! she cries), loss of appetite, nausea and vomiting. Although nearly one in five people (as an estimate) have contracted the virus since its onset earlier this year, Tegan said she is no less amused at the prospect of telling people she has the much-mocked virus. She is not worried about death or turning into a pig.

Item 2. Translink’s city buses have been equipped with “Spitting is Prohibited” signs in what can only be an attempt to prevent bus-goers from spitting. Frequent traveller Tegan Nuss said she was bemused when she spotted the sign and wondered who exactly it was directed at. “Clearly Translink want to discourage people from spitting, but I’ve never, ever seen anyone spitting on the bus, and I practically live in buses.” She said if Translink really wants to make their buses are more pleasant ride for their customers they should put up signs prohibiting tinny headphones and loud music, lengthy personal phone calls, and passengers who sweat all over the seat. “Some people,” she said, “are totally revolting.”

Item 3. The awful paradox of waking up exhausted has been experienced by young writer in Brisbane’s northern suburbs. The budding wordsmith has woken up in an exhausted state consistently for the last month. She said it’s no wonder pop-rock band Tegan and Sara wrote a song about it. “At least this makes me feel like I’m not the only one. How bizarre to go to sleep and wake-up as if you haven’t slept at all, because obviously to wake up you must have been asleep.” She said she is considering seeking medical assistance.

Item 4. Bridget Parker of acclaimed Ramsay Street is officially dead, with her funeral having been aired to a television audience last Friday evening. The teenage mother’s death was the result of internal bleedings and surgical complications following a nasty car accident involving trees and swerving and a wild, white stallion. It has further been revealed that the car involved had a faulty steering system . Responsibility has been placed on larrikin, but usually reliable, mechanic Steph Scully. Bridget leaves behind baby India and husband Declan, who will have to now direct his crinkly-nose smiles elsewhere.

No sporting news today.