1. Don’t make snap judgements. Most people always sit or walk around with their mouths 90-100 per cent closed. I don’t know the true reason for this, but I think it has something to do with the fact that people who do allow their mouths to hang open usually look quite daft. One only has to allow the imagination a smidgen of movement to see drool forming a puddle on their tongues and leaking conspicuously onto their chins. One only has to look at their slack jaw and deem them a blank canvas, an empty vessel. We see the open mouth as a door to a house where the lights are on but nobody is home. But, on the other hand, perhaps these creatures with the gaping jaws and unruly drool are the ones to admire, because they are not inhibited by thoughts of upholding some contrived social grace by way of looking bored, arrogant or unimpressed as so many commuters do. Perhaps they have two million wonderful thoughts tumbling through their minds or they have spotted something remarkable out the window and are awestruck by the complexity of the world. Because when you really, really think about it, everything is more than amazing. That fruit grows and we eat it. That someone had to determine what fruit can be eaten and potentially died during the testing. The questions about the world, our lives, are endless. If someone wants to ponder these many things with their mouths wide open, I think they are quite in their right mind. And hopefully, they’ll catch some mosquitoes while they’re at it.
2. People are rude and sour and obnoxious and just all round unpleasant. Being a polite, conscientious citizen myself and certain that this is the only way to live, this lesson is hard to comprehend. I do not understand, for instance, why people must push in lines, smoke at bus stops, and talk loudly about highly undesirable things on their mobiles. I am curious as to which morally deranged lout informed some people that it’s okay to peel off sunburn while sitting or standing amongst 40 strangers in a restricted space. I wonder why people buy cheap, tinny headphones? Do they want the whole bus to have to listen to their doof-doof beats? Do they think this will enhance their appearance of cool? Honestly, the only people they will attract are those other unappealing travellers that smell like cat. Or mouldy ham. Or whatever foul broth it is that they bathe in. And I’m not just referring to passengers. Some bus drivers are turds. They grunt when you enter the bus and say a polite hello, or worse, they say nothing and make zero eye contact. And that’s just if you’re lucky enough to have them actually stop for you. Heaven forbid you should want to pay two dollars and get on the bus. Do you realise you’re ruining the driver’s day by keeping them in a job? By not reporting them to the police so they are forced to get pants in a larger size so we do not have to face their strangled genitalia first thing in the morning? I really must stop. This is getting exhausting. Why can’t people be more like me?
3. People are generous and friendly and capable of improving your day one whole iota. They will offer you a seat, a tissue if you’re travelling with the sniffles, or a lovely little flower and a gummy kiss on the cheek. They will understand that at some point you have to get off the bus and that it may not necessarily be their stop and that you will require them to move. Rather than glaring at your apparent audacity, they will stand and let you out, maybe even make a well-meaning joke about the joys of public transport or bid you a pleasant farewell. As do some bus drivers. I recall one incident where the bus driver received my patronage with a bulky smile and a ‘Good morning, sunshine’. And this was after he’d stopped without me even hailing because I was half asleep and not paying attention. What joy I experienced! What unadulterated joy! And when I got off he wished me luck and I entered the day feeling good about the world and etcetera. So good lesson learnt. Some people are like me.
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