8 reasons you should watch the wedding singer

1. Eighties. Applies to soundtrack, costumes, and Billy Idol. The whole kit and caboodle. I have read numerous reviews which describe ‘The Wedding Singer’ as an eighties satire, but I have to disagree with this. There’s nothing satirical about it, because you can’t actually claim to make fun of the eighties. It is what it is. The humour is inherent. You can’t take the credit for that, you uninspired leech.

2. Marcia Brady. Apparently her name is Holly in this film, but I wasn’t fooled. I was just sad that Jan didn't get a look-in. Poor Jan.

3. Script. Brilliant. Allow me to demonstrate:

‘Hey, Linda. You’re a bitch.’
‘It’s a material world and I am a material girl. Or boy.’
‘I’m sorry. I used to be much stronger.’
‘Hey, why don’t you write a song about it? You can call it I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other people’s business.’
‘Sounds like a country song.’
‘Now please get out of my Van Halen shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.’
‘Don’t you talk to Billy Idol that way.’

These will probably mean nothing to you unless you’ve seen the film, possibly only if you’ve seen it multiple times. But I don’t care. If you haven’t seen it, you’re a loser. No, you're not. But knowing what you now know, if you don't see it soon, you will be.

4. Linda. I want to be her. She looks as though she must be seeing in technicolour all the time. Her eyes sparkle constantly. She is dazed constantly. She must be seeing ponies and daisies and big butterflies with lovely, shimmering, shining things on their wings.

5. George. Still not sure whether it’s a man or woman, but either way, George’s rendition of ‘Do you really want to hurt me?’ invites the tears every time. Beautiful, George, beautiful.

6. Little old lady. Not only is she the size of a kitten and has googly fish eyes and plum cheeks, but she also raps. She hips and hops and she don’t stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.

7. Robbie’s proposal. Call me old-fashioned but it’s just a little bit lovely when he emerges out of first-class into economy and sings his little ditty, asking Julia to grow old with him. There's a lesson here: acquire a mate through verse. It's what the penguins do, and I think now, having seen this scene again, for very good reason. I wouldn't say no.

8. Old man in the bar. This is not how it seems. I do not have a penchant for old people. Okay, I do. But considering the circumstances, I think it would be weird if I didn’t.