1. If you happen to win, you won’t get to stand on a podium in a Lycra unitard of your nation’s colours. You won’t get to sing and you won’t get to shake hands with the mayor. Your mum won’t take pictures of you and nobody will take you to dinner. It’s not that type of victory. Only eBay will congratulate you, before encouraging you to continue browsing and bidding, which you will, because nobody wants to be a loser. Just remember that victory has its price.
2. Indeed. Be careful what you bid for. It’s easy to go nuts and make offers on multiple baskets of miscellaneous goodness all at the same time, but remember that if you win it you must buy it and to buy it you must spend money.
3. When you are placing bids, remember that real people are affected in real ways by your actions. I’m well aware of the thrill in sabotaging people’s purchases just because you can, but somebody out there somewhere may have really needed those elbow mittens, and now because of your rash $2.50 or your sneaky bid in the final twenty seconds, they will have to go without, be bitten by frost, and become a solemn amputee. Just because you can’t see the victims doesn’t mean they aren’t alive and crying or dead and ready to haunt. Is it really worth ruining rogue_ride54’s life just so you can prance around in your new leather pants saying, ‘Woo. dreamy_tiggles strikes again’?
4. Remember that yes, sometimes it is worth it. As in the above instance, if you’re reckless bidding will come between a 55-year-old something or other and pants of leather, then it probably is worth it. I suggest that it is best to be discerning and to stay vigilant. It’s a battlefield really. Like love, but different.
5. eBay purchases are not like babies and will not be delivered by the stork or via your mother’s blessed passage. You must pay for postage.
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