10 reasons it would be nice if you said thank-you

1. I bought you a hamburger and I don’t like hamburgers.

2. I nailed your goldfish to the wall. Now you’ll never misplace him again.

3. I drank the last of your milk. You’re lucky. It was off.

4. I baked you half a cake. The other half is mine.

5. I made out with your dad. He seemed lonely. And then he didn’t.

6. I called your work and said you won’t be coming in this week. So now you’re on a holiday.

7. I painted your cat pink and yellow. Like you wanted when we were six.

8. I chased and caught your cat when the stupid thing ran off.

9. I made you a cup of tea and drank it before it got cold.

10. I flushed the toilet. And I flushed it with love.