1. Read Who magazine. You can compare faces and bodies and dresses and hair for hours and hours and not even realise it. This will also make you a better person.
2. Rub lotion on your skin. Round and round in gentle circles. Rub it in. Lovely layers. Delectable, creamy goodness. I’m talking about you, you hot, smooth slick of shine.
3. Watch Neighbours. If the time just so happens to not be six-thirty and it just so happens to not be a weeknight, go here - http://neighbours.com.au/episodes.htm - and watch as many episodes as you like all in a row without the ads. Maximise the screen. It will make you happy. Now let’s all jump and clap and thank the sky for internet.
4. Make a piranha. You will enjoy the anticipation, the task itself, and the end result. Trust me.
5. Pretend you are French. And nothing will get you down. If by chance it does, you can beat at whatever it is with an authentic baguette, a few posh words, and a threatening call from your angry, French papa.
6. Bake packet-mix cookies. I recommend Betty Crocker’s. Just mix it, oven it, eat it. Anyone can do it. Except maybe that kid from year nine who put a whole, unpeeled onion into the saucepan to make soup.
7. Go to a park. Get naked. And sit in the playground’s sandpit. Roll around if you want. You’ll find sand in your pants for weeks, just as if you’ve taken a jolly trip to the beach.
8. While at the park, pee in a glass bottle. Bury it. And next time you need a holiday in a tent but can’t take one, go and dig it up. This will make you feel removed from reality and your fellow human kind, totally.
2 comments:
Gross with the peeing in the bottle and everything. Oh and I cant make packet packet cakes or biscuits, I just become dyslexic when reading the box.
And I have put on a foreign accent when shopping and it is so much fun.(I have even tried being a rich snobby kid when I was a teenager and tried on all the pretty gowns, not dresses but GOWNS and they paid so much attention in helping us, I was 13)
Oh and Tegan if, if you can't make to America this year we can still pretend. Rick can put on a fake American accent and you can give him a Tip when he serves you food. he can wear bad clothing, and have no knowledge of things other than America. Hang on he already does some of these things.
Matthew Jacka. Ha. Ms Dakin was thoroughly unimpressed. It probably had poo germs too.
Peeing in a bottle and burying it does pass the time quite well. This we know.
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