1. Distorted perspective. I now think in lists and lists only. I categorise constantly, seek for similarities, common themes. This has had benefits, including improving my memory. I cannot offer a scientific explanation for this. It’s just really fucking true. You can test me if you like. But seeing always through this list-lens is also not without consequence. I find that my thoughts are now overly simplified. As I walk to the store , for instance, my thoughts revolve around grass, tree, snot, apple, pear, gum, cricket. Things that are green. I entice myself to go faster and faster, because it’s the most excitement I’m now capable of creating for myself. And then the deepest thought I have all day is when I add envy to the list. Because it’s figurative, you know?
2. Discipline. You may as well just send me to the army now, because I am one disciplined little monkey. I can do tricks and giggle and write for between one and two hours every day, as the last 30 days has proven. Actually, I think it’s more about me being anally retentive and unable to fail so publicly by missing a day and having it show so obviously on the blog, but hey, whatever, I’m just glad I’m a monkey.
3. Satisfaction. I experience it every day, by way of writing and posting and hoping that there aren’t too many obvious blunders for others to gloat and tease me about. I initially set out with the 30 day goal in mind, so it’s been an essentially long-term project, but every day I get to fold my hand over my shoulder, pat my solid back and briefly encounter a feeling of glee. This is encouraging. Probably the way all relationships should be.
4. A quarter of a novel. The tangible outcome. By this I mean I’ve composed approximately 13,000 words. In lists. But still. Where’s your quarter of a novel’s worth of discontinuous narrative sitting on a bookshelf? I don’t know if this will help with fiction. But I hope so. Sweet bananas, I hope so.
5. Vanity. Self-obsession. Conceit. Arrogance. Go get a thesaurus and join me in this game. Although there are times when I am less than impressed with the words I have to publish for the day, there are times when I feel that I have uncovered a trinket of a sentence, an enviable remark. Sometimes I think I am pretty funny and sometimes I have a feeling that there’s hope for me as a writer yet. So yes, this blog has boosted my confidence somewhat, but I fear that I may be running rampant with delusions of grandeur. And that one day I’ll take off my pants and all humility will be lost.
6. Dual identity. I’ve always thought that I can articulate myself better in writing than I can in speaking. This endeavour has only confirmed all suspicions and I now find my talking voice – the one that has to live and sing and merge with other people in the everyday world – is constantly at odds with my writer voice. I desire to be witty and mean all the time, but can’t, and now I don’t know just what to do with myself. Perhaps I’ll write a diary and pretend I’m Bridget Jones.
7. Irrepressible need for constant validation. In case you hadn’t noticed.
1 comment:
Wow - Very Awesome Teges! Have enjoyed reading your lists. But what am i to read now? ohh well back to FHM :P - Favourite was list [Wednesday, March 4, 2009] A Creative Piece With Depth. Good Job.
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