10 things you should know about me before we decide to take this further

1. I received two horse cards for my birthday this year. Which is two up on every other year. This is hopeful. Take note of this.

2. I’m not really in love with pumpkin or dogs or anything really. It’s all just an act to make life more exciting. I could maybe fall in love with you, if you make me a sandwich.

3. I want to settle down in Ipswich. Drive a Ford. Raise some kids. Harley, Maxine, Sapphire, Nathan.

4. I once dated a man called Rex. He has a handlebar mo and throws quite a punch. He may come after you. But only on Tuesdays, so just avoid Dominoes and stay indoors.

5. I pee in the shower. It protects my feet from fungal infections. I’ve seen your feet. Maybe you should try it.

6. I don’t like your hair or your face and your knees appear bulkier than the average person’s. But I’m not superficial, so don’t worry too much.

7. If you die before me, I will not attend your funeral. They make me sad. I’d rather be happy.

8. I found a dollar coin at the base of a cup of hot chips. This was exciting. No act necessary. If you want to be with me you will need to remember this. It was a significant event in my life.

9. I hope you like piranhas, because I think I might be one.

10. Most of what has happened in my life has not happened at all.